Walk Away
by EtOhPower
Summary: Because Kotetsu is still a married man, and Barnaby is not in love with him. TxB angst


**Walk Away **

**EtOhPower**

**Summary:**

Fill for Anon Meme

(Established Barnaby/Kotetsu relationship)  
Barnaby wants to have sex tonight but Kotetsu doesn't want to. Why? Because it's his and Tomoe's wedding anniversary.

**Notes:**

(See the end of the work for notes)

**Work Text:**

_Kotetsu_

It's not like they're in love or anything. They're just...partners.

And yeah, the first time is months coming. For a working relationship that started with a princess carry and Kotetsu's fondness for completely inappropriate, excessive touching (seriously, he's worse that Nathan most days, if only because it's harer to predict where he's going to touch next), there's a lot of unresolved sexual tension. So when they all get rip roaring drunk to celebrate Barnaby winning King of Heroes and Kotetsu maybe-not-losing-his-job, it's not really all that strange for the discussion to descend (and quickly, and furiously) into sex talk. There's an attempt at Never Have I ever that really just turns into "Never? Really? But..Bunny? we always thought you and Tiger were...well behaving like bunnies."

Kotetsu excuses himself to the bathroom while the rest of the Heroes crowd in closer the drunkenly docile Barnaby. He's pretty drunk, off good feelings and that excellent German beer Ivan brought (blushingly mumbling that it was Edward's reccommendation). He thinks, shockingly lucid as he splashes water on his face, that it's not unexpected. After all, Bunny is still just a cute little bunny, prickly, but bashful and sincere underneath it all. The kid (and really, it's only times like this that Kotetsu feels like the old man that Kaede keeps accusing him of being) has no understanding of the kind of desperate loneliness that can drive someone into a temporary stranger's caress, the haunted look that starts appearing in the eyes of Heroes even as young as Karina. They are, after all, people who don't really exist.

It's why he takes Nathan's flirtations with good grace, why they make excuses for Ivan to disappear off to the 2nd Central Stern Bild Penitentiary's Visitor's Ward immediately after work. Barnaby's King of Heroes but he's different. When the ruckus begins to die down and the girls (and Keith) are tucked into a taxi cab, Kotetsu notices the distance between Nathan and Barnaby is shrinkng, and there is a muted undercurrent of intent behind Fire Emblem's usual cheer. Kotetsu wasn't the only one aware of Antonio's absence tonight. So he makes a decision, instead.

Kotetsu grabs Barnaby's arm, slings it over his shoulder, and makes a quick excuse before taking Barnaby home. Nathan protests, but doesn't get up to see them out, and Kotetsu realizes that he too, understands.

Barnaby is beautiful, but more importantly, he is Kotetsu's partner. It's a bond of trust that he holds onto when he slips his hand into Barnaby's pocket to fish out a small key, warm from body heat. It ties the together and roots him in place when Barnaby, in his usual tones (too severe for 24) asks him to stay. They're partners, and Kotetsu will not let something like the cool weight of his wedding band break the heat that seeps into his bones when he wakes up with a faceful of blond curls and the reassuring weight of someone who he cannot break.

That is the first time. The second comes that morning, while Kotetsu is trying to figure out why he has three legs and no arms and Barnaby tastes like strong coffee and something indecent enough to cut through the hangover.

There's a third, fourth, and another half time that happens while Kotetsu makes breakfast (fried rice with mayo). There's none of the usual post-coital awkwardness between them, because Barnaby has never been shy about what he wants, and even Tomoe's picture on the nightstand can't change the fact that it really has been too long.

So yeah. It's not love. They're still partners. Barnaby snarks at Kotetsu even when he can barely string together the syllables, and one time Kotetsu laughed so hard he actuallly fell of Barnaby's cock. Besides, just becuase they've never had sex in their costumes (because Saito has cameras everywhere) doesn't mean that they aren't still Wild tiger and Barnaby in bed.

_Barnaby_

He's not sure why or how it started. Kotetsu still treats it like an extension of being partners most days (though his definition of partnership is responsible for like, 80% of the comiket T/B slash floor space). Despite this, Barnaby buys his mayo in bulk nowadays, and Kotetsu's bathroom counter has been annexed by hair curlers and styling products. He subjects himself to more fried rice than he thought was survivable in that first year and Kotetsu eventually buys a car so he can commute to Barnaby's without anyone asking questions.

It's going on two years of this completely inappropriate behavior with this old man who still giggles when they undress. Barnaby blames Kotetsu's influence for the sudden compulsion that overwhelms him that day during training.

"Hey, old man, we should spend the day together tomorrow."

Nathan's tittering with the girls because Barnaby's voice cracks, something that he thought he was over ten years ago. Though really at this point, even Keith is giving him a knowing grin. Antonio's the only one silent, brow furrowed and watching Kotetsu like a hawk. Kotetsu, predicatably, doesn't notice the surroundings. Barnaby can guess how the old man would respond-a sugestive eyebrow and a lame joke about partners. He catches the inchoate grin forming and tamps down on it just in time to hear a subdued "maybe next time". Kotetsu disappears and Barnaby hears himself making a fish noise.

The gym is dead silent. Sky High goes back to his weights and Blue rose restarts the treadmill, and if they seem strangely intent, well, it's just professionalism. Thankfully, Antonio pulls Nathan away, though the loud whispering isn't helping Barnaby's nerves.

The worst part about the hollow bottoming out in Barnaby's gut is that it is completely, ridiculously, unjustifiable. It's not like he was asking out the old man on a date. Besides, Kotetsu wasn't even rejecting him. He just was...probably busy. Or something Kaede-related had come up. Nevermind that Kotetsu had insisted on dragging Barnaby to any outing with Kaede nowadays since he thought they were "cute" around each other. Nevermind that tomorrow was the first day off they had had in months. Nevermind that it had been 2 weeks since they last touched each other (Kotetsu had tackled Barnaby out of the way of a bullet, but dammit, it was still full body contact for a glorious 10 seconds). It wasn't as if Barnaby had gotten a haircut in anticipation of a romantic evening, since they didn't do romantic evenings. It was Kotetsu, after all. It wasn't even like they were in love.

Barnaby goes home, and plans for a lazy morning after he drinks the champagne he set out earlier. He resolves not to call Kotetsu, kicking off his shoes and then, after staring at the blank screen, flings his phone in the same direction.

_Kotetsu_

He's not running. He promised himself he would stop doing that after Tomoe, after Kaede, after his job, his Barnaby was the only thing left. He forgot to change when he left the gym and the evening breeze leaves gooseflesh on his arms, sobering him. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his shorts to warm them, and he curses when he realizes that he forgot to bring them. He's been washing up at Barnaby's place too often. There's nothing like a giant waterfall style shower and a sweaty, horny blond man in tight clothes to make exercising worth it. His house keys are on Barnaby's nightstand, the one on the left side of the bed (his side-and when did THAT happen?) and his car spends more time in Barnaby's garage then the curb infront of his modest brownstone. Which, hurray for domesticity and the settled lifestyle and all that but it leaves him with nowhere to go, not when Barnaby has the same shuttered look that he's too used to seeing in the people who watch his shrinking back.

He keeps failing them, leaving them. He wants them to kick and scream and be selfish. He wants them to ask him not to go. They don't and that's why he loves them. He's not sure where Barnaby fits in all this, because there was Tomoe, Tomoe, beautiful Tomoe for so many years, and then came Kaede and the years when she grew into a girl as lovely as her mother and it rips at him to see her and claws at him when he doesn't. He knows Barnaby is important, has been since he first felt warm arms breaking a fall he was too scared to look at. And that's the crux of it, isn't it-he closed his eye while he was falling and now there's Barnaby, whose presence is growing everyday. The light seeping into all the old dark places and he's doing something other than fighting crime and sleeping with half forgotten dreams. Barnaby is insistent where Tomoe gave a hesitant smile. Barnaby is strong, stronger than Kotetsu ever was and he doesn't know why he ever thought it was his place to protect Barnaby.

Kotetsu walks into a small courtyard, a lovely piece of green in the forest of steel and glass that is Stern Bild. There's only one headstone there, a small plot that he spent too much on, 7 years ago today.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, because he's not sure what else he can say. The little garden is being developed by inches, and weeds are threatening to overtake the little white gazebo where he asked her to give him her life. She did, and he lives on.  
"I feel like I'm losing you again," he continues, because he's never been able to lie to her. The spaces where she lived are vanishing in the sunlight reflected off Barnaby's curls and her smiles, fragile and beautiful are fleeting like the memory of a dream.

"I love you", he admits, because that too, is still true. He keeps a vigil as the night turns into morning, and there's a purging in this too. He talks about Kaede, about Heroes, about Jake, and about fear. In a cracked an dry sob, he repeats his vows-to love, to cherish, to protect-bleeds his love in front of a granite headstone in a small forgotten park.

_Barnaby_

Kotetsu is late to the surprise magazine cover shoot and Mr. Lloyds is having a seizure that sounds like a promise to fire Wild Tiger, recent popularity be damned. When Kotetsu stumbles in, feverish and still in his gym clothes from last night, the photographer finally storms out. Barnaby catches a glimpse of himself in the window and he understand why. He's hungover, haggard and sallow, with bags that will take a team of photoshoppers to undo. Kotetsu. Well, Kotetsu looks like death and he's still the best thing that Barnaby has ever seen. He raises his hand in a wave of greeting, then clenches his hands at his sides to keep from grabbing the older man and shaking him until the full weight of his worry, his emotions somehow transmits through their skin.

They wrap up around noon and Kotetsu is glassy eyed from a fever. He doesn't resist when Barnaby bundles him up in his leather jacket and drives him back to his flat. Barnaby's skin is tingling from the contact and he's never known that he could find a snotty man ten years older than him sexy. He tucks the man in, and digs around his first aid kit for aspirin(the only thing in the house that he stocks religiously, other than hair products). He pauses on his way back to the bed, and then decides to heat up some leftover soup as well.

Kotetsu is dozing on his bed when Barnaby comes in with a tray of hot soup and cold medicine. Barnaby sits down and his weight on the bed causes Kotetsu to stir. He doesn't know where the gesture comes from, but he pushes Kotetsu's hair out of his face, then runs his finger tips down over his eyes, soothing and gentle like a half-remembered childhood warmth. It's peaceful, and it quiets the stirring that Barnaby's felt since last night. He loses track of time as he does this, humming a tune that is his only memory of his mother's voice before he dozes off.

_Kotetsu_

He wakes up warm and happy and safe and it's enough to set off warning bells. He knows it Barnaby by the smell of his cologne on the sheets. Barnaby looks tired, and Kotetsu shakes his head to stop an image of Tomoe from overlaping with the blonde sleeping by his side. The movement wakes Barnaby who smiles at him when he wakes up.

Ah, Kotetsu thinks, he's found his answer. Because that is the smile of someone who is beautifully, wholly in love, and lump it triggers in his throat makes him choke out, "Tomoe died today." He's not sure what he's trying to accomplish with this. He wants Barnaby to know, to fully understand that Kotetsu is not his, because Kotetsu is married to a ghost who took his love with her when she died. He wants Barnaby to hurt, to hurt him enough that Barnaby will grow tired of him, the way Kaede has grown immune to his absence.

"I love you." Barnaby's eyes are closed, thin papery skin stretched over eyes that Kotetsu sees in his dreams.

"I can't." And Kotetsu's never been much of a liar, except with the people he loves.

"Please." There's something breaking in Kotetsu. This isn't Barnaby. This isn't the man who grew up alone and vengeful and cold. This is the Barnaby he's only seen in the periphery of his vision, in the moments when he grins at Kotetsu when they part ways and Kotetsu can't help but sneak backward looks. This is the Barnaby who shows up one day with band-aids on his fingers, reeking of fried rice because it was Kotetsu's birthday. The warmth is rising up him again, burning at old wounds and stinging his eyes. Barnaby is crying now because they always understood each other so well and He knows that Kotetsu, for all his bravado is still a coward. Being love with Tomoe never felt like this, like he was drowning and on fire. Whatever he is going to say is swallowed in a salty desperate kiss.

He's not doing enough to discourage Barnaby and he wants to blame it on the fever. Barnaby is straddling him, stripping them both out of their sleep rumpled clothes. His right arm is pinned under a bony knee and he's turned on, he's harder than he's ever been in his life when Barnaby takes his left hand between both of his and runs a rough, insistent tongue against the pads of his fingers. There's a hint of teeth and then his fingers are once more in the wet, hot mouth. Someone is making hot dirty noises and they're both still in their underwear, the heat of their erections still noticeable through the layers of sheets and clothes. He gives a little upward thrust because he wants this, wants it so badly and Barnaby whines, a desperate, high pitched noise.

He's getting lost in the sensation of friction, and that mouth, which is normally curled in a smirk, now swollen from kisses and slicking his fingers. He meets Barnaby's eyes and it sends a shudder through the other man. Barnaby's fighting for this with a kind of honesty his words could never achieve and slowly, he watches blunt teeth drag across this ring finger, taking his wedding band with them. It's so depraved, so hot and blasphemous and he can feel the loss of the ring's weight like a blow to the chest. The cool brush of metal and the heat of Barnaby's stare drives him over the edge and he shudders, and comes. Barnaby pushes himself against Kotetsu, lines up their overheated bodies, and follows, his orgasm ripped out of him with a cry.

Barnaby is on top of him, pliant and defeated because Kotetsu's gaze swivels to the shine of moonlight on his ring like an arrow finding true north. Kotetsu gets up, untangles Barnaby and gooseflesh pops up from the chill air.

He's going to fail again, he can feel it, knows it and yet he stoops down. He picks it up, and places it back on his finger. It slides on with a smug shiver of cold, one that echoes through his chest and tightens around his throat. Neither of them say a word as he dresses, and when he lets himself out of Barnaby's apartment, he doesn't look back.

**Notes:**

Whew. T+B cherry just popped. It's unbeta'ed and slightly modified from the original comment fic. Please comment.


End file.
